Peace in perseverance, this is what I hope
to achieve. Can I rid my mind of the memories of my abuse? Will the devil stop
tormenting me and infiltrating my thoughts with doubts of God’s love? Will
every day involve struggles and uncertainty and fear? Sadly, and discouraging
as it is, the answer to all these questions is “no”. The reality is, I will
grapple with doubts and fears and discouragement, but I will persevere. How do
I know this? Because Psalm 27:1-6a tells me this, “The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to
devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege
me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I
be confident. One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his
tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me.” Here is my peace, God is with me. He is my
rock and my salvation, the stronghold of my life. He gives me peace with these
words in Hebrews, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Peace, I
am not alone. God is with me.
And, when Satan gets his claws in me, when
he finds a weak moment, when I am angry, discouraged and struggling, when I
feel like I cannot take it anymore, I look here:James 1:2-4 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
And, here:
Romans 5:3-5 “Not only so, but we also
rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces
perseverance; perseverance, character; and character,
hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out
his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”
When I am at my worst, when I am in pit of
despair, when I am at my brink and feel like I cannot make it another day, when
I doubt God’s presence, when I want to give up and throw in the towel, I
remember these passages. I feel like God put them in the Bible specifically for
me. I find such peace here. I find peace in persevering. I know that God is
with me. I am His dearly loved child. He will not let me be dragged to the
depths, he has not forsaken me. He is by my side strengthening me and my faith
in Him. Jeremiah 29:11-14 “ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and will bring you back from captivity.’ ”
My perseverance is a gift from God, He is
my strength. My peace is in the Lord’s goodness and love. My peace in
perseverance is knowing that I am loved by the Lord, that He is guiding my
footsteps. My peace in perseverance is knowing that even when I am struggling,
I am growing closer to Him.
per·se·ver·ance noun
1. steady persistence in a course of action, a
purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or
discouragement.
Mollie~ I'm not sure if you know me, but I'm a friend of Katie. We were in the same class at MLC. I just wanted to say thank-you for sharing about this. You are a very brave, courageous woman! I'm currently a stay at home mom. However, I worked and lived for 6 years on the White Mountain Apache Reservation in Arizona...where my hubby, Abel (also in Katie and my MLC class) is from. Sexual abuse of children is sadly a very common occurrence on the rez. One of my SWEETEST little girls, who I had the privilege of working with for 2 years, was sexually abused by one of her father's friends. I remember suspecting this since the first year I worked with her. In the second year I taught her, it came out at a parent-teacher conference that my student had finally told her mother what had happened. It took me everything I had to not break down crying...and then go out and castrate the man that did this to this precious little girl! Please don't ever feel discouraged or ashamed to share any of your stories! I truly enjoyed your blog and look forward to reading future blogs. I can see God already working through you to help educate others, like me, who work with children who have gone through what you are going through. Do you have any advice on how adults can best help children of sexual abuse? What are some things these children need the most from caring adults who suspect this is happening? God's blessings! You are in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteCarrie, thank you so much for your encouragements, they are truly appreciated. I do vaguely remember you and Abel from my short time at MLC. I'm so sorry to hear that sexual abuse is so common on the reservation. I do not claim to be an expert, so all I can do is tell you what I think would have helped me back then or if someone suspected something.
DeleteOne of the best things you can do is remember that no matter what the specifics of the abuse, their innocence was taken from them, their sense of security ripped away.
Patience is key. Try to be extra cautious with rebuke or discipline even in unrelated issues. These children are dealing with so much, they are hanging on by a thread. Be understanding of emotional outbursts or tearful days, but don't necessarily draw attention to it. Let them know you are there if they need you, but be aware that too much focused attention may be a danger sign to them. Give them space, but let them know you're there.
Let their reactions be your guide. They may share their emotions in unconventional ways, such as in play. Look for little things in their daily lives as cues to what is going on. (I probably don't need to tell you this since you also had child development classes.)
Be patient, it may take time to build a relationship or trust.
Overall, ask God to help guide you. You're coming from a place of Christian love and caring. Remind them that their Savior loves them. Point them to the Good Shepherd, he may be their only peace.
When I was little, I would frequently and suddenly become terrified. I would close my eyes and say, "Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!" My little desperate petition for help and safety.
I hope this helps!