Everyone has experience silly old men who forget themselves
from time to time. Or the men and women who are sadly stricken with dementia
who literally forget themselves and have huge lapses in judgment which cause
them to do or say things that are totally wrong and out of character. Then
there are the people who take advantage of the fact that they are alone with a
female and that female is helping them bathe.
Today was terrible. I was helping a man bathe in bed when he
became sexually inappropriate with me. Rather than assume that he is aware of
what he was doing, I dodged several of his advances as I have in the past. But,
today he was more persistent, more grotesque, more frightening. He repeatedly
grabbed my shoulders and tried to pull me down towards him on the bed. He tried
to grab various parts of my body that he shouldn’t be touching. Then he pulled
back his covers and started to fondle with himself.
I remained professional, simply covering him up with his
hands outside the blanket and called for another aide to help me get him
dressed. He tried again to fondle himself; the aide simply stopped him and told
him it was inappropriate.
I held it together long enough to talk to my bosses and tell
them I felt uncomfortable caring for him after today. They completely understood
and said I should not have had to endure that under any circumstances, let
alone as a sexual abuse survivor.
I left the office and called my sister, sobbing
hysterically, as I drove to church where my mom is the secretary. It was there
where I proceeded to sob, gag, and dry heave, recounting the story for a third
time.
I don’t know what to say about days like this. Partially, I
feel victorious, because as an adult I was able to handle the situation
appropriately. I told him repeatedly that he needed to stop and I got help. I
remained calm in the room, I didn’t panic.
The other part of me feels like I overreacted and I’m too sensitive.
But, in talking with coworkers and family members today, I’m reassured that I
did not. One thing I know, I’m exhausted.
I hate feeling like I am not safe in my own body. I hate
feeling like someone has the power to hurt me. I hate feeling trapped. I hate
feeling scared. I hate feeling like an object of someone perversion.
I’m not feeling very peaceful today.
“Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8)
But, another reason to feel victorious…
The devil really seems to have my number when it comes to
which buttons to push to get me worked up. He knows that days like today will
cause me pain. He tries so hard to push me to the point where I curse God for
allowing these things to happen. But I did not. I will not. Try as hard as he
may, that bastard the devil with all his tricks and schemes will not shake my
faith. I have a good and loving Lord who never leaves my side. “And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you
can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you
can stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13b
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his
mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you
can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh
and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers
of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly
realms. Therefore put
on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able
to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Stand firm then, with the belt of
truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,
and with your feet fitted with the
readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to
all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the
flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit,
which is the word of God.” Ephesians 6:10-17
See, Luther gets it…
A mighty fortress is our God, A trusty shield
and weapon.
He helps us free from ever need That has us now o’ertaken.
The old evil foe Now means deadly woe
Deep guile and great might Are his dread arms in fight;
On earth is not his equal.
With might of ours can naught be done; Soon were our loss
effected.
But for us fights the
valiant one Whom God himself elected.
You ask, “Who is this?” Jesus Christ it is,
The almighty Lord. And there’s no other God;
He holds he field forever.
Though devils all the
world should fill, All eager to devour us,
We tremble not, we
fear no ill; They shall not overpow’r us.
This world’s prince
may still Scowl fierce as he will,
He can harm us none. He’s
judged; the deed is done!
One little word can
fell him.
The Word they still
shall let remain, Nor any thanks have for it;
He’s by our side upon
the plain With his good gifts and Spirit.
And do what they will—Hate,
steal, hurt, or kill—
Though all may be
gone, Our victory is won;
The kingdom’s ours
forever!
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